i've been so caught up in my own head lately that i've been neglecting just about everyone. my quote for the last three weeks or so has been "it's on my list."

which roughly translates to, "stop bothering me, i'll get it done on my own time."

and things are getting done, i just finished writing my entire medical history - and can i suggest everyone under the sun do this? i've been collecting all of my medical records from every doctor i can track down, from my recent endocrinologist to the pediatrician i saw when i was ten. i've been compiling all events into an excel document, and never again will i meet a new doctor who asks me those questions that i don't have the answer to

like what month and year was that surgery
like when did you see that specialist
all of a sudden things emerge that are relevant, medical details from when i was twelve.

random things make sense in hindsight, and i am so glad i did this even though i'm up past three in the morning. doing it was my first resolution of the new year :)

i started thinking about it as we were putting up Christmas decorations
2007 084

and starting sensing how old i am. not like i'm that old, but i'll be thirty in three years. what do i want to do by then? and does it matter to try and plan it, when that's never been something that works for me anyway? life has never, ever worked in a way i can anticipate.

my neighbor came over yesterday for the first conversation we've ever had in two years of living next to each other. she and i shared the elevator and i invited her in to see the mural, and we spent the following two hours chatting on my couch as though it was an old habit.

we were talking about this, about how "life works" if there is such an expression, and i thought back to semester at sea and the point at which i realized that anything i ask for is absolutely surpassed by what is given. the ways i am blessed make my desires seem so childish, even ridiculous.

so my resolution in 2008: to keep chilling, to make a serious effort to stay mellow, and just let life in :) the freelance sabbatical (code name: "for real this time") has already meant more time spent with people, getting back to the coffee shops and live music - Adam Ezra pictured below - adam ezra

posted with love -