the end of an era

i refer to starbucks frappuccinos as "milkshakes" because seriously, even if there's no milk involved, they're pretty much the same thing... so today: a coffee milkshake with extra espresso!

then at 4, after a long day... best smoothie of my life.
apple juice + fresh bananas + fresh strawberries.

some people know this and some don't, but the real point here is that i'm eating real food again. i've got this health thing going on - really, the issue is that i haven't lost weight (after putting a significant amount on) since i was maybe 20? so in six years? not one fluxuation, neither up nor down, not when i stopped working out for a year (when i was 22) and not now when i run six miles four times a week.

i've been training as though i'm going to run a marathon. i run for sixty minutes, just booking it like it's my job, clocking 24 miles a week. and i've been doing nutrisystem for the past three months just to prove for once and for all it's not about what i eat, it's about some wild card in my system that can't handle the basic human function of digestion.

the bad news: that stuff is like dog food, and i subjected myself to it for three months straight.

the good news: i was right. with nutrisystem i know for a fact i've stayed under 1000 calories a day. it's extremely validating to know that it's not that i have bad habits, it's that i literally have an issue to deal with that's not something i can change in my day-to-day habits.

and after three months of nothing but dehydrated soup and imitation chicken, i ate fresh fruit today and it was F-ING AWESOME.